22 Oct No Longer Dead, But Alive. God Resurrected My Soul
I whispered silently to myself, “I feel dead inside.” It scared me. I didn’t write this in my journal or share it with anyone. From the outside I looked like I was doing OK, keeping it all together. On the inside I felt like a tree in the dead of winter, my vision filtered with dull grey, my emotions wrapped in a numbing blanket of darkness. Leading up to the conference (that I was very hesitant to sign up for) I signed up for a prayer partner (cue more hesitation). We connected quickly and I instantly felt like I had a new friend, someone in my corner that understood and genuinely cared.
I saw tiny flashes of hope breaking through like fireflies. God revived my heart at conference. My last breakthrough session of the conference was Intimacy with the Father. At the end we were encouraged to listen for Holy Spirit to speak. I wrote in my journal, sensing these words for me, “Come into the Light, Take up your bed and walk from this place of darkness.” The last word I wrote down was “Rock,” but I wasn’t sure what that meant yet.
As we walked into the final session we were handed a rock. I wrote in my journal again, “Roll away the stone, Look into the grave, He’s Alive, She’s Alive, Resurrection.” At the end of the message we were listening for a new name God had given us. I reread the words in my journal, thinking back to my dead tree heart, picturing Christ walking out of the grave as I was walking out of my own, “RESURRECTED” was my new name. A new beating heart exploding with growth, covered with vines and blooms.
As I continue to wait for our miracle babies, I can wait with resurrected hope, love, joy, and peace. No longer dead, but ALIVE.
PS. Going into the Moms in the Making conference I had not been to a local group yet, but I met several ladies from the local Dallas area groups that were so kind and welcoming. I will be joining in on all of the Moms in the Making goodness!