31 Jan Infertility Brought Me Closer to God
We are in the 7th year of our wait. I went through depression and very dark days in the beginning. After some fertility treatments, we were told we would never get pregnant without IVF. I prayed for a promise and sought a solution that would allow me to fix it, while convincing myself that I was full of faith. I think I was treating God as a Santa Clause that would bring me a baby and prayer as a way to communicate my wishlist.
God shattered those ideas in 2021. I was reading Gangster Prayer by Autumn Miles, and about Jesus’s all-submitting prayer in the Garden, praying “not my will, but yours be done” when I realized I couldn’t pray it. I had a spiritual roadblock and was unable to move forward. What if God’s plan didn’t involve a baby? I didn’t know if I could be okay with that. For the first time, I didn’t just faith it away. I genuinely wanted to be able to pray for God’s will and to mean every single word. After months of wrestling with the Lord, He whispered it was time. I cried out like I never had before. I fully submitted my fertility to Him, and I’ve felt different ever since. His peace was the gift in surrender.
A few months later, we went to a Maverick City concert. During the middle of “Promises”, one of the singers said, “I feel like someone here has struggled with their faith because of infertility.” I knew he was talking to us. He stopped right then and prayed that God would bring a child to us. Since then, we have felt a sense of surety and know we have heard God speak His promise with our own ears.
God brought Moms in the Making into my life this year and it has continued to fuel my spirit. Our promise has yet to be fulfilled, but I know God has already given a testimony. He has changed my broken heart, and I can now say that I am thankful for this season because it brought me closer to God. It has blessed me with a stronger faith and the ability to see that it has never been about the baby – it’s been about Him! The baby will be a blessing, but the real gift is Jesus. He is my everything and will carry me through every season of life.