21 Jun I Am No Longer Depressed On My Infertility Journey
My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 4 years this month. At the beginning of this journey I was faithful in my walk with the Lord. I wasn’t perfect, but I enjoyed fellowship weekly and spent time in prayer daily. Once I realized that we were traveling a road that would be longer than a few months I began to question what I had done to deserve this. What I had done wrong. This questioning turned into questioning God and His timing. Why would He allow me to face this? What sin had I committed for God to allow us to not become parents? I eventually quit going to church and quickly lost faith.
In fall/winter 2021 I was experiencing severe depression. During this time I had quit going to church. I spent at least 3 years without walking into the building, much less taking part in fellowship with other believers. I decided that on Christmas of 2021 I should go to church. I sat in the pew and cried the entire time. I would not allow myself to hear what the pastor was preaching on, all I could think was, “Why should I be here when God has control of the world and is allowing me to experience the worst pain of my life?” Someone introduced me to In Due Time which led to Moms in the Making. I joined a virtual group in January 2022. Through the ladies in this group, the curriculum, and Jesus Christ, I was able to come out of my depression. I now attend church every chance I get. I spend time daily in the Bible and praying. I have not been able to get enough of Jesus the past few months.
This group has helped me fall in love with Christ again, in turn allowing me to love myself. Infertility seems like such a lonely road until you find a group of ladies loving the Lord and encouraging each other! I do not believe infertility is my final destination, unfortunately it is just the path I must walk. Since finding Moms in the Making I am able to turn the lies from the devil (I have done something wrong, I will never have a baby, etc) into realities from the Lord. Now I can understand that I have done nothing wrong and I will be a mother one day.