Healed Heart After Miscarriages and Failed Treatments

My friend Maggie told me about the conference and instantly I wanted to go but I’m a photographer and had a wedding booked that Saturday. I was super bummed once I kept hearing more about it. Well 2 months before the conference the wedding I was supposed to photograph was called off. I knew that’s where I needed to be that weekend. 2 weekends before the conference me and my husband just finished up our 4th FET in IVF. In January we did our first FET in IVF and it was successful but we ended up miscarrying our first pregnancy. Our hearts were literally heart broken. Infertility was extremely hard but getting over the hump of infertitily and being pregnant and losing brought us to a all time low. I was so angry at God and I could not understand why he would do this to us. After our miscarriage we went into 3 more FET IVF rounds and the next 3 were unsuccessful and did not get pregnant. Once again I was so angry at the Lord for not allowing it to work since it worked on the first round. On the 4th round I could really feel God tugging at my heart to rest and wait and trust but it’s so hard to not step back and be in control when it’s the one thing you want so badly.

So 2 weeks before the conference we experienced our 4th failed transfer and my heart was so heavy. From Jan to Oct of this year we had experienced a pregnancy, a miscarriage and 3 negative get IVF transfers. But, God healed my heart at the conference. He gave me a peace and rest I had been longing for for months. He came me a peace to just trust and rest in him and his next miracle he has for us. He gave me a peace that regardless of how he makes me a mom by another pregnancy naturally, or through IVF or through adoption that his promise will be so much greater then I can imagine and dream and I just have to trust and rest in him. I came back from the conference literally feeling renewed in my strength. It’s amazing to say I trust you Lord even when I can’t see the road ahead of me but I know it’s going to be glorious. I can’t imagine how heavy my heart would still be if I wouldn’t have said yes to that weekend in Texas.

Ashley Swertfager

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